I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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