Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
