i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I did not marry a roomba.
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