Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
