hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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