Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
