"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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