nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
