You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she peed on how many people?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
