great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
