The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
