Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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