I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
