I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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