are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
