He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
