yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
