It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
