Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
