I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
