he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
