he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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