I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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