It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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