I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
