rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Alive.
So much puke
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
