I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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