even my farts smell like vagina
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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