so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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