If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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