So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
