first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
