i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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