It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Randomize
