just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
