My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
