Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
