Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
