so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
