If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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