dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
