Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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