White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
