Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
