I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this just has baby written all over it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
