I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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