Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
