he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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