Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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