We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
