I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
